A straight-laced man is sitting at the bar, buying rounds of whiskey and obviously having a good time. His good friend is walking past the bar and sees him in the window, and comes inside.

"Jim," says the shocked friend, "What are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and shouts out to the crowd, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anyone in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet, and no one takes him up on the bet

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady with a dog at her feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asks.  "No," she says.
A few minutes later the dog attacks the man's leg and tears off a huge chunk.

A proud new Texas father buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar and announces that his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.

"WOW!" everyone cheers, amazed at the size of the baby.