A bum walks into a bar and asks for a toothpick so the bartender gives him a toothpick. Another bum walks into the same bar and asks for a toothpick to so the bartender gives him a toothpick.

A guy walks into a bar on top of a ski skraper. He sits down next to a buff looking guy who looks like he had a little more booze than he can handle.
The buff guy looks at the bar tender and then at him and says
`'hey, did you know that this building is construckded in such a way that if I was to jump out the window and the wind would glide me safely to the ground. The man, who decided he could use a laugh said, 'prove it.'

A man walks up to the bartender and says, "Y'see that cup over there? I'll bet $100 that I can piss in it from here!" The bartender readily agrees, because the shot glass is way over on the other side of the bar. So the man unzips and whips it out, then pisses in a million different directions, coming nowhere even close to the shot glass. Meanwhile the bartender's laughing so hard he can barely breathe.

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a glass of beer, and the bartender says, "That'll be four cents, please."

The guy nearly spits out his beer. "Four cents?!" he says in amazement. "How much for a plate of fish and chips with extra mashed potatoes and gravy and a side order of peas?"