Funny One liners - Lawyers Jokes

hoME

What do lawyers use for birth control?
       - Their personalities.

      What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
       - A tick falls off of you when you die.

      Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
       - To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.

      What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
       - Not enough sand.

      What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
       - There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

      What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
       - A Doberman.

      What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
       - One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

      Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
       - They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

      Lawyer's creed:
       - A man is innocent until proven broke.

      What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
       - Lipstick.

      What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
       - Skeet.

      What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
       - Chelsea Clinton

      It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
       - I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

      A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
      "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
      "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
      "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

      You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
       - You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

      A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, "I saw the whole thing. I'll take either side."