A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the guys to the joys of copulation. Her friend tells her that to win his love, she must make more effort.

Q: How can you tell if a man has a high sperm count?

A host of new drive through cash points is set to sweep through the country, and the national association of bankers has issued the following guidelines to ensure full, efficient use of this new system when it becomes operational in the new year:

A masked man walks into a sperm bank, points a gun at the woman behind the counter and shouts, "Open the safe!"

"But this is not a real bank" the woman replies "it's a sperm bank."