The crofter’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing."

Welcome to Managed Caring(TM), a whole new way of thinking about friendship. The Managed Caring Plan(TM) combines all the advantages of a "traditional" friendship network with important cost-saving features.

A remedy for the common cold suggested by Dr. Richard Gordon, from the "Atlantic Monthly": At the first sign of a cold, go to bed with a bottle of whiskey and a hat. Place the hat on the left-hand bedpost.

Cardiologist
Left hand on your wrist, feeling pulse
Dermatologist
Wears latex glove